(I haven't lost my) Mind...over matter
What I once viewed back in August of last year as an act of courage and confidence can now easily be viewed as an act of temporary insanity. I'm talking about the day I signed up for this half ironman. Last summer, I trained by the book, had a few races under my belt for the season, and was feeling good...so signing up for this race didn't seem like half-bad of an idea.
Well, the moment of reality is quicly approaching now, and I'm eagerly searching to reconnect with that confidence. I get glimpses here and there, either through the encouragement of friends, a good workout, or simply self-trickery of the mind (I've been told I'm pretty good at that last one).
But now suddenly it's six days before the race. The time is 11:45pm Monday evening, and I just got home from work. I'm trying desparately to cram one week of errands, chores and tasks into two week days before we depart on Wednesday morning. Everything that I had to do today, even if I bitched about it, really was a labor of love. I had a project at work that I had to get finished. I had meeting after meeting. I had to get to REI to pick up some last-minute race nutrition essentials. I had chores for my dad that I had to run, including heading out to his home which is 45 minutes out of my way (and that's one way). But I did them all, and I'm feeling good.
I'm grateful that I seem to have enough energy to enter a quick post on this blog. That in and of itself is a good sign. Basically, I've had to resort to the one thing that I'm best at -- keeping a positive attitude.
Yes, this race scares the crap out of me. There are a lot of things that have weighed on my mind: the heat, the distance, my injury, my inconsistant practicing, the crazy banana spiders (that fear is a whole blog post on its own). I may never FEEL like I'm truly ready for it. BUT...
...In all actuality, I have been conditioning myself on a rather consistant level for almost a year now. That should definitely help me in the endurance aspect of things.
...I went running this morning, and this was the first time since I injured myself that I didn't think about my hamstring throughout the entire run.
...I have such an incredible support group that believes in me and offers encouragement and advice that is beyond comparison. Teammates, mentors, friends, family, co-workers. You are all awesome. (BTW, a very special shout out and special thanks to Alex, Scott, Sam, Neal, Susan, Chris, Carly, Amber, Bridget, Traci, Brian, Anne, Kevin, Ryanda, Howard and Bill.) This encouragement is the reserve of psychological fuel that I know I'll have to tap into when I hit the wall at mile 40, 50, or 60.
...I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to give this a shot. My goal is to get a half under my belt before I'm 40, and I don't have much time left. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I promise to be SMART about it. As my friend Bridget reminded me today, I know my body well enough by now to know when to go and when to stop. She's right, and that little comment made a big difference (thanks BH).
So my game plan is to do this race. Think positive. Be sure to take the entire experience in, and just give thanks that I can even be there. Give thanks that my family, my two beautiful children (my greatest cheerleaders) and my husband can be there. Though I wish my dad could be there, I know he'll be there in spirit, as he now has his own athletic event* of sorts (with his newly-repaired hip).
All in all, I've realized that it comes down to faith (in God and in myself), joy (in all of the beautiful experiences that I get to live through every day) and thanks (in every opportunity and lesson that is dealt to me). What more could a simple little town girl ask for.
*A note on my dad for those who have been so kind to inquire...he is recovering nicely from his hip surgery on Thursday. His recovery is significantly slower than the last time (probably due to the broken bone this time) but he feels signs of improvement every day...I'll be picking him up from the hospital tomorrow and taking him to the rehabilitation home again. All is going well, slowly but surely.)
Well, the moment of reality is quicly approaching now, and I'm eagerly searching to reconnect with that confidence. I get glimpses here and there, either through the encouragement of friends, a good workout, or simply self-trickery of the mind (I've been told I'm pretty good at that last one).
But now suddenly it's six days before the race. The time is 11:45pm Monday evening, and I just got home from work. I'm trying desparately to cram one week of errands, chores and tasks into two week days before we depart on Wednesday morning. Everything that I had to do today, even if I bitched about it, really was a labor of love. I had a project at work that I had to get finished. I had meeting after meeting. I had to get to REI to pick up some last-minute race nutrition essentials. I had chores for my dad that I had to run, including heading out to his home which is 45 minutes out of my way (and that's one way). But I did them all, and I'm feeling good.
I'm grateful that I seem to have enough energy to enter a quick post on this blog. That in and of itself is a good sign. Basically, I've had to resort to the one thing that I'm best at -- keeping a positive attitude.
Yes, this race scares the crap out of me. There are a lot of things that have weighed on my mind: the heat, the distance, my injury, my inconsistant practicing, the crazy banana spiders (that fear is a whole blog post on its own). I may never FEEL like I'm truly ready for it. BUT...
...In all actuality, I have been conditioning myself on a rather consistant level for almost a year now. That should definitely help me in the endurance aspect of things.
...I went running this morning, and this was the first time since I injured myself that I didn't think about my hamstring throughout the entire run.
...I have such an incredible support group that believes in me and offers encouragement and advice that is beyond comparison. Teammates, mentors, friends, family, co-workers. You are all awesome. (BTW, a very special shout out and special thanks to Alex, Scott, Sam, Neal, Susan, Chris, Carly, Amber, Bridget, Traci, Brian, Anne, Kevin, Ryanda, Howard and Bill.) This encouragement is the reserve of psychological fuel that I know I'll have to tap into when I hit the wall at mile 40, 50, or 60.
...I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to give this a shot. My goal is to get a half under my belt before I'm 40, and I don't have much time left. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I promise to be SMART about it. As my friend Bridget reminded me today, I know my body well enough by now to know when to go and when to stop. She's right, and that little comment made a big difference (thanks BH).
So my game plan is to do this race. Think positive. Be sure to take the entire experience in, and just give thanks that I can even be there. Give thanks that my family, my two beautiful children (my greatest cheerleaders) and my husband can be there. Though I wish my dad could be there, I know he'll be there in spirit, as he now has his own athletic event* of sorts (with his newly-repaired hip).
All in all, I've realized that it comes down to faith (in God and in myself), joy (in all of the beautiful experiences that I get to live through every day) and thanks (in every opportunity and lesson that is dealt to me). What more could a simple little town girl ask for.
*A note on my dad for those who have been so kind to inquire...he is recovering nicely from his hip surgery on Thursday. His recovery is significantly slower than the last time (probably due to the broken bone this time) but he feels signs of improvement every day...I'll be picking him up from the hospital tomorrow and taking him to the rehabilitation home again. All is going well, slowly but surely.)
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